Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
