Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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