i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
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There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
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I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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