So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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