It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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