the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
