I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
