Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
