so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
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now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
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The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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