Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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