So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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