This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
