Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
