Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
