Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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