I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
