A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
