Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
