i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
