That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
