I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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