She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think your dad took our porno
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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