I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
