sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
