I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
