it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
