3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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