You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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