That's intense
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
did i walk over a car last night?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
