bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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