careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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