youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Randomize
