y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
