Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
