He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
