Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
