Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
