Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
