Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
