By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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