booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think people are normalizing furries
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
