I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We are all done wearing pants today
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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