I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
