Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
it hurts more in the daytime
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
