it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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