I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
