I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
