It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
