every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
