You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
People with herpes should wear stickers.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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