Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
