Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
