Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
