How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
