i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
