**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
