i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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