Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
