I love black thongs
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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