He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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