Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
