i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize