I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
