She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
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