you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
