Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
