I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
found the other keg... it's in the tree
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
