i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
