At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
